Two questions for you…..
When was the last time you felt really loved by your person?
Do you know how to make your person feel really loved?
This week over in our facebook group - Thriving Couples Collective, we ran a poll to see what the most common primary Love Language is.
If you aren’t familiar with the 5 Love Languages, it’s a concept by Gary Chapman that suggests we each prefer to give and receive love in one of five different ways.
You might instinctively know yours and your partners or you may want to take the quick quiz.
The catch here is that just knowing their #1 really isn’t enough. We need to learn to speak our own and our partners' primary love language fluently so that they can truly feel it.
My #1 is Receiving Gifts and Nath’s is Physical Touch.
A few years ago, I walked into our apartment to find a package unwrapped on the dining room table, inside was an item that was clearly meant to be an anniversary gift for me. Nath had received the delivery, unwrapped it, left it out in the open and then left home.
For me, the surprise was ruined and regardless of how thoughtful the gift was, his lack of care in the execution in giving it to me detracted from the receiving experience.
So although Nath knew giving a gift was important to me, he hadn’t nailed the “receiving” part at all.
A bit like learning any language, you don’t go from novice to fluent overnight.
You might be thinking “Sammi, that's a bit dramatic. Your husband remembered your anniversary and bought you a gift and you were upset!?”
You betcha. It was a F*ck up because for me it’s not really about the gift. It’s about the thought, care and presentation, and Nath had only nailed the first part. We chatted it through and got back on the same page about our expectations and intentions for showing each other that we love each another.
Knowing what I desire and need in a partner and relationship and then being able to articulate it clearly so that it is understood is a skill set. And it’s one that I am so grateful I have worked on because it means these kinds of moments of disappointment are few and far between.
In a few weeks time the big love-fest that is Valentine's Day will be upon us.
I want to encourage you to have a chat with your person now and get onto the same page.
What are their expectations, what are yours? And what could you each do to make the other feel super loved in their love language?
Riding Solo - How can you love up yourself in your own love language?
Got mixed feelings about V-Day? You aren’t alone. Take a listen to this episode of Date Forever, it will likely help you get a bit clearer.
Invest in your relationship and it will pay dividends forever.
One way that you can invest in your relationship is by building strong relationship skills, if this is an area you want to work on together, join our online course “Couple and Team” where you will strengthen your relationship skills to create an even better relationship.
Doors to Couple and Team will open on 8th Feb you can
join the waitlist here.